Back in November I wrote a tongue-in-cheek article about the betting on this weekend’s Royal Wedding. Turns out that the joke was on me, because I’m now apparently BetVictor’s official royal wedding correspondent. (Which, as it happens, doesn’t come with an invite to the event itself, more’s the pity.) More bad news for the betting industry after us getting rolled over at the Eurovision last week.

So, let’s cheer ourselves up by working out how to profit from the happy couple’s big day- starting with their transportation.

When Will & Kate tied the knot in 2011, she borrowed the Queen’s Rolls Royce Phantom for the occasion. I imagine for this reason alone, we price Rolls Royce at 4/6 for being Meghan’s vehicle of choice this weekend. But, Megan is no ordinary princess- and thus, will need no ordinary car. Given the ferocity with which the Americans in front of their TV sets will be watching, I can see her being given the full Cinderella treatment. Remember that diamante carriage Jordan had for her wedding with Peter Andre? Well, it’s not been given a run out for a while- and that, coupled with the question of ‘Why wouldn’t the American lass turn up in a giant Canyonero-style hick machine?’ means that my pick for the market ‘Manufacturer of Brides Arrival Vehicle’ is ‘Any other manufacturer’ at a handsome .

And last but not least- we would be reticent to not offer something up on the man himself. We expect Harry to turn up in full military garb, bedecked with medals, but as for the real question on everyone’s lips for wedding night- shaven, or natural?

His beard. You sorts.

At the time of going to press, we’re that Harry’s chin braves the outside world bare. Will shaved, as did Charles (to be fair, they’re related) and so the 4/6 on offer that Harry maintains his glorious Ian Beale-esque beard for the occasion seems like a little bit of value in itself.

I’ll sign off with the best news of the day. We’ll have the answers to all of the above markets by around 12:05- plenty of time for you to flick over to GOLD to watch the end of Only Fools & Horses (It’s the one where Del Boy becomes a Yuppie- classic) and then it’s all over in plenty of time for the FA Cup final between Chelsea and Man Utd in the afternoon. (11/1 the pair to win on Penalties- and you’d fancy Pogba to sky one and send Mourinho home inexplicably blaming a linesman- right?)

Odds are correct at the time of posting

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