Through my compulsive gambling, I went to a place I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
I was adamant the only way out of the mess I had caused was to take my own life which would ensure I would no longer hurt the people around me. I had been “bailed” out on previous occasions but could not help myself in going back to my compulsive natures.
I was gambling irresponsibly and this moulded into how I went around day to day life. I was a horrible person and had no regard for anyone’s needs or feelings other than my own.
In December 2016, I formulated a plan to commit suicide via pills and alcohol at a discreet place I knew of in the nearby woodlands.
On New Year’s Eve I broke down and revealed everything to my partner. This was the most beneficial thing I have ever done for myself. Although I was still threatening self-harm, the secret life was revealed and I had a monumental weight lifted off my shoulders.
Since the 31st December 2016, I’ve had one relapse where the pure want and need to gamble got the better of me on the 10th February this year. This in itself sent me back to those thoughts I had almost three years ago.
Apart from that I’m in a much better place in my life and striving to become a better person; a person I certainly wasn’t whilst under the influence of this devastating addiction.
Recovering from addiction is a long and arduous road but support is out there in many forms to arrest behaviour that can inflict harm upon yourself and others around you.
Not for one minute would I campaign against gambling as the vast majority of the population can gamble responsibly. Instead, I’m hoping to help those people who may be at risk and can relate to some aspects of my story.
Tomorrow, I’ll touch on some points as to how you can identify whether you have a gambling problem.
